...of a flummox

All of a sudden, in that space around the chain of propositions, in which there was a continual coming and going of what, deprived of words, cannot, must not show itself, a wind blew... everything rises, flies up... there, in that place where it always used to be found, there is a void... a patch of nothingness opens up and something escapes through it... like the harbinger of the definitive disappearance, of annihilation... no though, perhaps not, not yet, words come rushing up to call for help, impossible to stop them, it's only possible for a split second to try to prepare their entrance, to make them look a bit more presentable, a bit more decent... "Forgive me, it's ridiculous to talk about it all of a sudden, but it's just come back to me, I don't know why..." But the words that were to have followed are intimidated, and haven't the strength to attack, they retreat, they hide... for a moment the chain of propositions had started moving again... it slowed, it was about to stop... but it mustn't... other words coming rushing up to repair what might have been damaged, to get it going again... "No, I don't know what got into me, do forgive me... To come back to what we were saying, yes, I agree with you, but even so we need to take into account..." But there's nothing to be done... once again everything in the background starts seething, a stronger gust lifts up piles of paper, drawers burst open, it'll ease off, the void will be filled again... There it is, that long, brown, thick envelope... it must be there... no, it isn't there, it disappears, it slides into the wastepaper basket, a hand picks up the basket, empties its contents into the dustbin... it's been taken away, it's lost for ever... impossible to hold back this cry... "I've lost, I've just realised, I don't know how I shall ever..." And now, through the gap that this call for help has opened, assistance arrives... "If you write and explain, you might perhaps get... they may have kept a duplicate there..." "Ah, you think so? You've known a case... Oh, thank you. Oh, do forgive me... my grasshopper mind again..."

[Here, Sarraute, N.]