...of torment

She does whatever she wants, she knows exactly what she can take liberties with, and I have no other choice than to put up with it, time is completely on her side… Is it my fault that I have to put up with this monster, yes, this monster who comes in here and sits down to take a shit barely three feet away from me without worrying till hours later about flushing? Did I make her this way? Am I the one who did this to her? Do I only have myself to blame for everything?
I ask her: What the hell is it that you are doing, making a fool of yourself like that, you whore? But then she’s gone, without making another sound, as though I’ve scared all the life away with my sudden outburst…
Goddamn this hellish silence that settles over everything whenever I take the time to say something…
Silence is Sweetie’s revenge, she can dump me into it whenever she likes, and she knows the silence bothers me, it’s like being under a surgeon’s lamp, it makes it impossible for me to avoid hearing my own thoughts…

What was that? What was that sound? Erna? Are you in here again? Erna? Is that you? Are you going to have a bath? Answer me if it’s you, Sweetie… Say something, so I can hear that it’s you…
Erna? Is there anyone here…
Hello? Is there anyone here? Dr. Amonsen? Answer me, damn you…
I know someone’s there…
Answer me and stop tormenting a defenseless old man. I’m getting ready to die, here, so I demand a last little bit of respect… I won’t tolerate you standing there without identifying yourself…
Who are you? Where are you? Come closer so I can touch you…
Closer…
For Christ’s sake… this is more than I can take… I’m blind… that means I can’t see, you know? Would you please be so kind as to say something… Please identify yourself… Turn on the water at least, so I know you’re here…
I would get up and come over to you, but I can’t manage it… I haven’t stood on my own legs in years… They wouldn’t support me if I tried to stand…
So the onus is on you… you have to come closer to me… come to me… Come over to my chair, so I can reach you with my arms… It’s easy for you, I’ll bet there isn’t anything wrong with your legs, and not with your eyes either… You’re the one in control, here… I’m at your mercy, you understand… Don’t forget that I’m completely in your hands…

[Siamese, Sæterbakken, S.]