Billie and her gang in fact, with all that fancy rigamarole about spiritual matters I wonder if it isn’t just a big secret hustler outfit tho I also realise that I’ve noticed it before in San Francisco a kind of ephemeral hysteria that hides in the air over the rooftops among certain circles there leading always to suicide and maim - Me just an innocent lost hearted meditator and Goop among strange intense criminal agitators of the heart - It reminds me in fact of a nightmare I had just before coming out to the Coast, in the dream I’m back in San Francisco but there’s something funny going on: there’s dead silence throughout the entire city: men like printers and office executives and housepainters are all standing silently in second floor windows looking down on the empty streets of San Francisco: once in a while some beatniks walk by below, also silent: they’re being watched but not only by the authorities but by everybody: the beatniks seem to have the whole street system to themselves: but nobody’s saying anything: and in this intense silence I take a ride on a self propelled platform right downtown and out to the farms where a woman running a chicken farm invites me to join her and live with her - The little platform rolling quietly as the people are watching from windows in groups of profile like the profiles in old Van Dyck paintings, intense, suspicious, momentous - This Billie business reminding me of that but because to me the only thing that matters is the conception in my own mind, there has to be no reality anyway to what I suppose is going on - But this also an indication of the coming madness in Big Sur.
[Big Sur, Kerouac, J.]
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